Ever since the mid-1970’s, when it comes to marriage, after the shine wears off, all anyone ever hears about is the divorce rate being above 50%. How does that give anyone hope for a long marriage? Don’t you end up with an almost pre-determined fate complex? Then again, so many people I know who have been married as long as I have (23 years), act like it’s a matter of convenience. I will never understand these people. Cherish what you have. Yes, we all become normalized in a relationship wherein it feels like that person you chose to marry will always be there. But here’s the brutal, cold, honest truth...they won’t. There are no guarantees in life other than, as they say, death and taxes.
23 years ago, I asked Kylie to marry me after being together for three days. It was the best decision I ever made. And 23 years later, she and I are closer than ever. Yes, this past seven months reinforced much of that as fear that I wasn’t going to survive in January still haunts us. So, yes, while our marriage was already strong, that traumatic experience made us even closer. To the point that her leaving two days ago for her three months visit with her family in Australia was the most difficult we’ve experienced in our entire marriage. Typically, Kylie would go home for a month or two, once a year.
Compromise is Key
Kylie is extremely close with her family. They talk almost daily, exchange emails multiple times across a day and often have video calls. So why did she decide to stay here with me for over two decades? Well, we both believe that love conquers all and we have very much been in love since the day we met. Thankfully, Kylie has a sister who could pick up the physical slack back home, so to speak. I am an only child, so I don’t have a choice in my mind…I need to be near my Mom and Dad. But two years ago, my wife came to me with a rather scary prospect – she needed to spend more time in Australia with her parents as, like mine, they are aging. As she had already missed over 20 years of regular life with them, I completely understood. She had proposed spending six months with them and six with me. For me that was a non-starter. There was no way I could be without Kylie for six months straight. So I countered with the idea of three months on and three months off so that neither her family nor our furbaby, Brioreo, and I would be without her for too long.
But, yes, as I said, this time is very different. It’s a lot more difficult for both of us as the emotional trauma of January’s near-death knell for me is still present.
But, yes, as I said, this time is very different.
It’s a lot more difficult for both of us as the emotional trauma of January’s near-death knell for me is still present.
But I know both Kylie and her family need this time together to be happy.
Be Thankful
So, what’s the key takeaway? Compromise is key to any real relationship. If you love someone or something enough, you have to be willing to let it go.
With Kylie, I was only willing to let it go for three months at a time and that seems to be okay. Phew!
I thank my lucky stars every day that I have the people I have in my life...from the incredible friends for whom I have so much love and respect, to our Brioreo, to the incredible woman I was fortunate enough to marry over two decades ago. I cherish every day that Kylie and I are together. Always have, always will.
I would hope that more people feel the way I do about their spouse and their life. Sadly, they don’t. No, nothing is perfect. Yes, life is hard. But it’s how you address those difficult times and work through it with the ones you love that really matters. Remember that next time you have a tiff over something as trivial as leaving the toilet seat up (which I don’t do) or forgetting to empty the garbage (which I sometimes do). After all, as I said, love does conquer all. You just have to be willing to put in the work.