MINDIE’S MUSINGS

Dear Mindie,

I am distraught. I had to put my dog to sleep last week, and I have not been able to pick myself up, ever since. She was the love of my life and gave me so much emotional support. I am so lost without her and really in a state of depression. Anything you can offer to help ease some of my pain and to carry me through this horrible time would be much appreciated. Many of my friends and family don’t understand the level of pain I am in, saying “It was only a dog.”

Sincerely,
Feeling Lost

Dear Feeling Lost, 

I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets are our family and if you’re lucky enough to get an incredibly special one, which seems you were, they can really become the center of our being. For some losing a pet is harder than losing a human. Pets love us unconditionally, ask nothing of us other than to be fed and cared for and are the most loyal creatures we’ll ever encounter. It’s perfectly normal that you are feeling lost without your companion, who seems more like a child than a pet, regarding the level of love you felt for her.

The first step I’m going to offer you to take is the hardest: Allow yourself to feel the pain. Often when we are facing times of despair or sadness as a defense mechanism we try and push the pain away. We distract ourselves; we push the sadness out of our minds, we don’t talk about the hurt. Those actions do not remove the pain, though. They just keep it in hiding which eventually manifests into something greater and something more maladaptive in our behavior, which can show up as any number of emotional disorders. You need to simply sit with the pain. You need to cry out loud, you need to talk to a friend or a family member or a therapist about how you are feeling and know that each day which passes will leave you feeling less pain and more love toward your late dog.

The next action is to try and remember a time when you were in a state of deep sadness and how you were able to overcome it. What steps did you take to work through the sadness and come out on the other side? How long did it take you? When you reflect on that circumstance now, do you still feel the same pangs of pain, or do you feel a sense of sadness but with a positive remembrance? Remember this time and try and apply those coping skills you acquired to this situation. You were resilient then, you managed to overcome that hardship so now you will be able to do the same now in this situation. 

Remember this time and try and apply those coping skills you acquired to this situation. You were resilient then, you managed to overcome that hardship so now you will be able to do the same now in this situation.

Lastly, when the time is right, and not too far off in the distant future, consider getting a new dog. This new love will not replace the love you’ve lost but add more happiness to your life and fill the void of emotional connection you had with the dog who just passed. A new dog never replaces an old dog, but it brings light and enlightenment, as well as joy.

Take care of yourself, allow yourself to grieve, which has many stages: denial, anger, deep sadness and can rotate around, coming and going when you least expect it. That’s all normal. The key is to allow yourself to feel so that you endure the pain which will ease as each day passes. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and wishing you the deepest of loves with another fur baby soon!

Love,
Mindie